1. |
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2. |
Hamster Camp
02:29
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Everyone wants to feel wanted,
Well past the point where they should be moving along,
And you said that I'm scared to face things,
You think it's best if we don't talk,
So I'm leaving voicemails,
and if its okay to be afraid,
then I am teary-eyed blue skies,
and you are the thunder that makes me shake,
I think it's okay to be afraid as we're falling through time,
I am your lack of sleep, you are the reasons I wrote these songs
And I just wanna be okay, I am gonna plot out my escape,
It's gonna get better every day.
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3. |
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Truth, always contested and circumstantial,
So crude, abrasive, and hard to swallow,
You looked back, and I loved you, I loved you for that
You turned to salt, I came unstuck.
I wanna see the void,
I wanna sing with birds,
I want to harmonize and stabilize, I want to feel self-assured,
You say I'm apprenticed to fate, but I'm not so sure,
If there's a harmony that I can't see,
Would you make its presence known,
Would you let me know?
I want to go to space.
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4. |
2Sad2Swim
03:24
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Add this to the list of records ruined for me,
Or songs that consist of me post-college degrees,
And I know I been complaining and I know I've been complacent and repeating what I say,
And I just thought, I might be dead by now,
Part inherent disposition, part power of will,
And I just thought, I'd find a Path by now,
but Tarmogoyf and Thoughtseize keep beating me down,
You could say I'm getting better; I stopped checking your twitter
and I moved to drinking every other day,
I've got friends that love me when I don't love myself,
I've got friends that love me when I won't love myself,
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5. |
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Swear I saw you moving in your casket,
Like the only thing that matters now is burying the hatchet,
fragment days and how they lasted are just photographs on the wall,
and I've been grinding my teeth, getting angry at things,
that I know that I cannot change,
I hate the rides home, I hate the drives home,
Your boxes of clothes are now memories disposed,
Now that I know; now that you're home,
You're all open doors.
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6. |
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Swear I saw you moving in your casket,
Swear I saw you pursing your sewn lips,
Swear I felt you dying bedside reading,
Before it felt like lying to all my friends,
And I was ditching early while you were bleeding,
Telling myself I was doing alright,
I thought it'd become clear with each repeating,
dropping everything just to stay inside.
It's not as bad as it once was,
I'm always myself and it's never enough,
And when I started ditchin' early,
Is when you started ditchin' earthly,
It's not as bad as it once was.
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7. |
Mug Drunk
01:31
|
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I have this dream where we are content in collaboration,
I am writing airport novels, and you are taking pictures of happy couples,
Yeah, you're taking wedding photos,
And in this dream, we are struggling to pay the rent,
Put my life into boxes, count the issues but never solve them,
But you're not worried about it,
And I'm washing dishes, cleaning cabinets,
You're working too hard and I can't stand it,
I write between the lines: I'm glad you're in my life.
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8. |
48
05:48
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Your flesh-made emissary came to you,
with bloodshot eyes from backyard brawls,
Just a little kid playing, all child-like,
Climbing up your arms,
and I apologize
And like wildfire purging through the state,
Can we start over? Can we start over?
I am six years old staring at the sky,
You told me you loved me,
All teary-eyed,
and now you are dying,
Just skin and bones,
I am six years old,
I am six years old,
and I believe ghosts
and they are not spectral,
they are skin and bone,
I'm always clearing my throat,
I'm always clearing my-
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9. |
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There is no providence in complaining - all of my emptiness in replacing,
now we exist in separate spaces and I've been doing what I can to face it,
and I miss who I used to be,
before I started losing teeth and dying in my sleep,
In the liminal space between acceptance and rhetoric,
what I've been repeatedly ignoring is getting progressively abhorrent
In the liminal space between unhappy and undying:
I was accepting my despondence - you were unhappy with the silence
now I'm regretting all the lost days
think I've forgotten how to find them
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10. |
Don't Give Up, Skeleton
02:49
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Less tact and more truth,
Yeah, you colored in your bruises and made up excuses,
Quantified feeling homesick with despondent arrangements,
and it took so long to say this,
There is always change,
There is always change.
People to places to boxes of clothes,
You were always subtext,
You were always absent,
People into places and your texts on my phone,
they are all arbitrary now,
And I'm learning to make sense of things as they apply to form,
There is always change,
There is always change,
People into places and dust into dust,
If you're not content with emptiness or a false god,
You will always have a place in my heart,
You will always have a place in my heart,
You will always have a place in my heart.
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11. |
Queso Besos
02:38
|
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Found yourself in the bottom of a wine glass or with a stranger in your bed,
Found myself rediscovering what it meant to be in balance and I'm never gonna feel it again.
And I've been catching up with death; you've been catching up with recklessness,
I'm somewhere in between closure and acceptance,
The things betwixt: reoccurring and despondent,
And I'm not sure if knowing is any better,
To be aware is its own kind of heartache,
I fucking miss you all the time,
And you don't think of me at all.
You don't miss sharing "I love you's,"
Phone calls on rides home,
Snapping pictures of dogs.
And I know it's self-indulgent and one day I won't need this.
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12. |
Necronomnomnomicon
06:11
|
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[Everybody shredding]
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13. |
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Said I'm growing up,
taking the first steps to moving on,
but really all I've got is: "it's not as bad as it once was,"
I am finding the notes in the books you left,
all the tidbits in the margins,
Like you forgot you were dying,
forgot the reasons you stopped breathing,
There's a fleeting permanence to everything I do,
and I can't shake the feeling that I will die and be forgotten,
These tidbits in the margins are the reasons we keep reading,
I'm so tired of feeling sorry, I'm so tired of feeling guilty,
Some days I don't feel like waking up,
most days I don't feel like waking up,
But I do.
(Swear I felt you dying, swear I felt you bleeding,
and you told me that you loved me,
and I swear that it still haunts me,
I swear I felt you dying, I could feel you bedside reading,
and you told me that you loved me,
and I swear that it still haunts me)
Yeah, some days I don't feel like waking up,
most days I don't feel like waking up,
But I do.
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14. |
Goodbye, Thank You
01:20
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Cloud District New Paltz, New York
Dad rock songs about living with your parents.
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